MEMO TO ALL STAFF
Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of
age, on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A
person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself
on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention
of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
CATS AND DOGS
A fire fighter was working on the Engine outside the station when he noticed the little boy next door sitting in a little
red wagon with little ladders hanging off the side. The boy was sporting a fire fighter's helmet and had the wagon tied to
a dog and a cat.
Hey, little partner, what are you doing?"
"I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a Nice fire truck," he said with admiration. A closer inspection
revealed That the boy had the wagon tied to the dog's collar and the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the adult said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you would tie that rope around
the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
THAT WOULD SUIT ME
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon.
Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his pay check) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his wife. After a couple of hours of
nagging and berating, his wife asked "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?" "That would suit me
just fine!" the man said.
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.
Tuesday went by with the same result. Wednesday went by with the same result.
Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.
Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole?
It is called the anal optic nerve.
It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if
it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
ALZHEIMER'S OR AIDS
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but
there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from
another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell
which is your wife."
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over? "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests
more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The HMO recommends
that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."