For more quotes click on topics at right: From the mouths of babes. Children’s Prayers From Eight Year olds What is a Grandparent? Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you are old enough to qualify for Senior Discounts, these codes are for you. 1.     ATD:               2.     BFF:               3.     BTW:             4.     BYOT:             5.     CBM:               6.     CUATSC:       7.     DWI:              8.     FWBB:           9.     FWIW:           10.   FYI:                11.   GGPBL:         12.   GHA:             13.   HGBM:           14.   IMHO:            15.   LMDO:           16.   LOL:              17.   LWO:             18.   OMMR:         19.   OMSG:        20.   ROFLCGU:  21.   SGGP:           22.   TTYL:            23.   WAITT:         24.   WTP:            25.   WWNO:        26.   GGLKI          At The Doctor's Best Friend Farted Bring The Wheelchair Bring Your Own Teeth Covered By Medicare See You At The Senior Center Driving While Incontinent Friend With Beta Blockers Forgot Where I Was Found Your Insulin Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! Got Heartburn Again Had Good Bowel Movement Is My Hearing-Aid On? Laughing My Dentures Out Living On Lipitor Lawrence Welk's On On My Massage Recliner Oh My! Sorry, Gas. Rolling On The Floor Laughing, Can't Get Up Sorry, Gotta Go Poop Talk To You Louder Who Am I Talking To? Where's The Prunes? Walker Wheels Need Oil (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In) Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark...  One: Don't miss the boat. Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five:Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.Nine: When you're stressed, float a while. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals!Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.   From the mouths of babes.   PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL. 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. Children’s Prayer From 3-8 year olds 3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- And one particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

From Eight Year olds

Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot. Janet -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, If we come back as somebody else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her. Denise -------------------------------------------------------------------------- God, I read the bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, How did you know you were God? Who told you? Charlene -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Is it true my Father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Did you really mean, Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You? If you did then I'm going to get even with my brother. Darla -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, I like the story about Chanukah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love, Dennis -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does? Nan Dear God, It's O K that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes? Arnold -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident? Norma -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, In bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything you wanted. Jane -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now? Seymour -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with my brother and me. Larry -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget. Mark -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways before I cross the street. Dean -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, My brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say? Marsha -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. John -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business? Donny -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what you do for a job. Who does it when you are on vacation? Jane -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, in school we read that Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday school they said you did it first. Did he steal your idea? Sincerely, Donna -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God. Charles -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, It is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon? Jeff -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really. Frank -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool. Carol

What is a Grandparent?

(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds) Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's. A grandfather is a man grandmother. Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks." They don't say, "Hurry up." Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out. Grandparents don't have to be smart. They have to answer questions like, "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?" When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us. They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad. A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''